6 Weeks Past the Cross (Identity)
BY: TCLeach at http://throughanewlens.blogspot.com
The name I am writing this blog under “TC Leach” does not match the name on my driver’s license. The name on my driver’s license has been changed twice since I obtained it with my “maiden” name so many years ago. When I worked managing a restaurant, my crew called me “Miss Theresa”. Those who know me on a friendship level call me “Terrie”. My biological mother calls me Teri-Jo, and she does so because she put much thought into what my name would be when I was born. At that time, she had no clue that after one short year, another set of parents would have me christened “Theresa Jean”, leaving me with the nick-name “Terry” to not confuse me after the adoption. I changed the spelling to “Terrie” when I was twelve. I didn’t know the psychology of it then, but I was already struggling with my identity, often the case with children who were adopted. When I got married at the wise age of fifteen, my initials became “TC”, and they stayed the same after my second marriage. At eighteen, I decided that when I wrote for a living, my pen-name would be “TC Leach” a combination of “TC” what I call myself during internal dialogs, and the name I inherited when I first opened my eyes here on this earth, Leach. Have I confused you yet? Good, I wanted you to have an accurate glimpse into my heart, and into my own questions regarding who I am and where I fit into this world. I will be fifty-one this summer, and am still learning whether or not what I call myself, or what others call me, has anything to do anything regarding the eternal things.
Before I proceed, please allow me to share something you may not know about me. Six weeks ago, I opened a second Face Book page with the name I was born with. Many of you are my friends there. It’s important to me that you know I did not do this with a deceptive motive. I did it because my original page is under my “Christian” name, the name that most closely matches my driver’s license. I opened a second page because The Father has drawn me back to the beginning of His Story, and I thought that it would be appropriate to go back to my own beginning identity at the same time. From there, I can grow in Him, and hopefully grow within my own sense of self, as well. My original page is still up and active, only because I’m still figuring out how to handle all the changes in my life. It’s not just personal, it’s professional, too. I published my first book under my xtain name. Because it was my testimony, I didn’t want to use a pen-name. Until I stepped away from the cross, I had a flourishing online ministry with hundreds of people with whom I interacted. I “closed” my ministry site with a post that simply said I had reached a fork in my path, and was moving forward from there. I did not feel led by The Father to suddenly begin making Jew-ish posts on a page that began as a Christian inspiration, and evolved into the Hebraic roots aspect of my faith. I am not trying to convert anyone, and I am certainly not qualified to teach things that I am just now learning myself! I just had to close that chapter of my life completely. The page that almost matches the name on my driver’s license will remain for now, because it is a great avenue for old friends and family to find me, and it’s a place where I can make posts that are invitations and opportunities for my current friends there to start forming some questions of their own. Trying to shove the revelations HaShem has granted me down my friends’ throats would only turn them away from truth, not draw them near to it. Instead, I try to get them to search out their own beliefs in Scripture. This approach is producing good results, and so I have not integrated my two pages yet. I consider my second page as my “fellowship” page. A community where I can explore all things Jew-ish, without debates or long threads about who is “right” or whether or not Jesus is “The One”. My second page is my “gathering place” since I don’t have one yet here on this side of my keyboard. (Finding fellowship in the flesh just might be next week’s post!) My second page is a place I look forward to visiting every day! The two different pages have never been about deception.
That being said (in my usual long-winded style), walking away from the cross led me to some brand new identity issues! “Believing on Jesus” eliminated any concerns about the Twelve Tribes of Israel, or where I might fit, if none of their blood flowed through my veins. When I grasped the concept of the lost sheep and of a re-gathering in my “Hebraic Roots” days, I was incorrectly taught that it was a re-gathering to The Father. A spiritual journey; not a physical event. Now that I’m looking through this new lens, it DOES matter to me to learn where I came from. Who wouldn’t want to know? But where do I begin? Having been adopted, there is much I don’t know about my earthly father’s bloodline, and the few people I could have asked have passed on. I came to the point of wondering if I would ever know where I belonged or with whom. It finally occurred to me to ask The Father, the very One I should have asked in the first place. He answered immediately! “You are Mine alone, and that is enough!” Those are the words He dropped into my spirit. Do you wonder how I know that the words were from Him? I know because in that moment, every issue I have carried with me my whole life concerning my identity vanished. Gone…poof! I am His, daughter of HaShem, and that is enough! As I walk with Him, He will reveal the attributes of my birthrights and bloodlines, of my place in this world and my place in the Kingdom to come. Perhaps I won’t know my assigned seat in that Kingdom until the day HaShem’s Messiah establishes it. My soul imagines the scene already: Music these ears have never heard will be playing as I step up to the Set-Apart place to worship my Redeemer. Two Heavenly Messengers will sound their shofars in perfect unison, followed by a third who will announce my Tribe or Position in YHVH’s perfect Kingdom. “Oh how I wonder if you’ll be in the same group as me!” And at last, they will pronounce my name in the Pure Language, which, most likely, won’t have a “T” a “C” or even a “Leach” in it!
Until then, I will be content being called Theresa, Terrie, Teri-Jo, Mom, Grammy (my favorite) Honey (by my honey) Sister, Auntie, Cousin…the list goes on and on! When I hear any of them, in my spirit I will hear the words “Daughter of The Most High” behind each one!
“See” you next week and until then remember: You don’t need all of the answers to your questions today…you only need to know The One who holds them! I’ll be praying for you…