7 Weeks Past the Cross (Well, Hell’s Bells!)
BY: TCLeach at http://throughanewlens.blogspot.com
Honestly, I did not give much thought to my eternal soul until my introduction to my Creator ten years ago. I believed I was just like a light-bulb and that one day, I simply would burn out. When I learned that there was more than what my eyes could see, my journey toward the things eternal began. Seven weeks ago I walked away from the cross and all Christian doctrine. I’ve been reading my Torah Portions, plus searching some subjects out on my own, both to unlearn and to relearn from this new perspective. Yesterday I sat down at this keyboard, all primed to write, but not even one sentence would come out! I didn’t stress, this is a usual for me. Sometimes, like yesterday, I knew just what I wanted to talk about…finding an assembly of like-minded believers. But The Father had something different for me. This didn’t surprise me as much as intrigue me, as I had experienced this before, and am always awed by it. My planned post, packed with words of brilliant geniusness was tabled. HaShem had something to show me, I knew. I logged out and waited.
I kept my eyes and ears open in both the physical realm and in the realm of my spirit. It didn’t take long before the same theme was placed before me throughout the day, again and again, as well as stirred within my heart. Apparently, HaShem wanted me to see that last week, when I talked about my identity, I didn’t quite touch on some of the important stuff. Some eternal stuff. Oh, I talked about driver licenses and bloodlines and legal names, but I didn’t touch on what matters most…who am I now, without Jesus? How does my role change in this life, and in the one to come? The Father showed me yesterday that although I was no longer practicing idoltry, I was still walking with a (so called) new testament mindset.
I had ridden on Jesus’ robe-tails for a quite some time! Gee, I thought I was going to ride them right into Heaven! I walked around thinking good deeds were nice, but not necessary, and that my disobedience was covered in the grace clause, not something I was actually responsible for. My motto was “less of me, more of him”. I prayed for my enemies, instead of taking a more David-like approach to them, and I believed that when “sin” entered my heart, it was as good as a done deal. I knew that without that savior, I was doomed and damned. Very clever marketing strategy that first “church” movement had! All or nothing. Jesus or burn in hell. Don’t worry anout how you behave, just believe, because you get in on Jesus’ merit, not your own. No wonder Christianity grew so fast and so huge! Satan was after me, they had me convinced. He and his demons were surely hiding behind every rock, waiting to devour me. Jesus was my only hope, they said! And instead of testing that doctrine, I “just believed”.
By Christian writings, I am powerless to be in covenant with my Creator. I am powerless to have my good deeds count toward something eternal, because I was taught that doing so was trying to “earn my salvation”. I am powerless to walk in The Father’s statutes, the Christian Bible said. I am powerless to pray in YHWH’s Name …Jesus was the only way! My purpose, it seemed, was to promote him. Then, on the other hand, they were telling me I was more than a conquerer. I could heal, they said, and do anything through this christ, they said. I could even do everything we read about him doing! I was so confused! Was I powerless or powerful? I smiled and nodded, but didn’t have a clue! All I knew is that I didn’t want to spend my eternity in hell, the place the Christian Bible says I will unless I “accepted Jesus”. It seemed to me like the first twelve years of my life would have qualified as an accurate example of hell, and I certainly didn’t want to suffer like that for eternity!
So now without Jesus, I wondered, what is it that sends me into this “eternal hellfire”? Who is this “Satan”, according to Tanakh? I had to know! I prayerfully dug into the Scriptures, hell-bound, if you will, and looking for that angel, Satan, who fell from Heaven, according to the newer writings. You know what I found there, don’t you? If you don’t know yet, I would encourage you to dig in, too, and find out! I searched with my online Tanakh, using keywords. I googled. I listened to teachings and read commentaries from reputable Rabbis. My jaw hung to the floor through most of my discoveries. Turns out, my focus and fear was misplaced concerning hell and this so called “Satan”!
I know that I still have much to learn in this area, and I know the learning will come through those Torah Portions. For now, though, I can breathe a sigh of relief, and stop checking behind rocks for demons. I can stop worrying about rebuking this “devil” and realize that what comes into my life as an adversary has come from The Father, and is allowed for my own strengthening, wisdom, and for the results to bring Him glory. Sometimes I will get to learn the “why” behind the tragedies that touch my life. Sometimes I won’t. That’s in HaShem’s hands. What is in my hands, what I can do, is to embrace every tragedy as a valuable lesson for me, and an opportunity for glory to be given to HaShem. I can ask questions, and will hopefully find better ones then just “Why me?” I can focus on The Father and stop focusing on some invisible enemy!
Some of my friends have told me I’ve been brainwashed to deny Jesus. Whew, good! I needed that Christian mindset washed right out of my brain! Only then, can I begin to better understand The Father, and who I am in Him. This is going to be a wash, rinse, repeat process…that dirty doctrine is embedded deeply in my thought process. It will take time for me to overcome all of the things that the Christian Bible says I am, and take hold of my new sense of self. You can be sure I will be sharing the differences in future posts!
I hope you will join me again next week, and I won’t even guess what The Father will have me share! I do know that it will be something that keeps me moving toward Him \o/ Until then, know you’re not alone! If you find yourself overwhelmed by information on this side of the cross, or you need some more information, message me and we’ll dig into HaShem’s Word together. Shalom!