BY: TCLeach at http://throughanewlens.blogspot.com
I sat out amidst the sounds and sights of The Father’s glorious creations this morning and quietly marked my 11th week past the cross with Him. What I have learned so far is that I have so much more to learn! It’s easy to chuckle about that, but I assure you, it’s quite true! I’d thought I’d discovered freedom when I learned about the “truth” setting me free. In reality, I was moving from one prison to another. The prison we’re in when we think we know it all is just as real as the one we live in when we are completely ignorant! “Just believe” never made sense to me after my first read-through of the beginning of my Bible. Why would God set everything up meticulously from the beginning, only to say “Never mind…just believe!” after the empty page that seperates the “Old Testament” from the (so called) “New”? This left me knowing I was missing something in my “faith walk”. Understanding what the word ‘forever’ means, even when it’s in the “Old Testament”, led me to the “Messianic Movement”. I was quite happy there, feeling as though I were closer to truth. I didn’t know it then, but the Messianic Movement had me mixing the Holy with the profane…a deadly cocktail!
I was observing the “forever” Commandment of keeping the Sabbath Day, but believed it could be kept “in spirit”. I wasn’t overly concerned with The Father’s exact instructions regarding the day. After all, I thought, the day was made for man! Mixing. I took note of HaShem’s Feast Days, a “throughout your generations” thing, but ignored the meanings behind them that are clearly stated in Torah. I profaned the Holy Days by believing they all foreshadowed Jesus. Mixing. I believed that every sin I would ever commit had already been forgiven, and that I would slide into HaShem’s Kingdom on Jesus’ merits, instead of my own. I was told that my “deeds” were a legalistic attempt to earn my way to into The Kingdom, and that I should cease my striving. Mixing. I know now what the most deadly cocktail I mixed was, but I didn’t know then. I tried to mix The Father with a mere man, and call them both the same thing, “God”. No wonder why I was frustrated in my “religion”, I was drinking poison every day, and wondering why I wasn’t feeling more alive! Is it any wonder that I have had the same unanswered prayers in my journal (for years!) when I was praying “in the name of” someone other than HaShem? Is it any wonder that I prayed “healing prayers” like I read about, claiming my so-called authority over a situation, but still saw sickness? I was mixing Holy and profane, it couldn’t have worked!
“Test Everything” was a motto I picked up from one of the teaching ministries I used to follow. It really is sound advice, and I was living by it. One thing I hadn’t tested, though, was the one who is clearly the dividing line between the “Old” and the “new”. I had not tested Jesus, whom I then claimed to be my “immortal salvation”. Oh, boy, was realizing that a light-bulb moment for me! Why, I wondered, did no one challenge me to test him? I began the testing with a beloved sister who backed away within two teachings. She was too gripped by guilt to even question the merits of Jesus. I admit that I had butterflies in my stomach as the testing began, but I stuck with it. After all, my eternal destiny was on the line! I wanted truth, even if I had to admit everything I believed was a lie. Y’all already know the results of that testing, because here I am, on the other side of that cross. Walking out of idoltry was just the beginning, but it’s a solid beginning to build from, a firm foundation. A foundation that has One Holy God, in whom there is no profanity…no mixing.
I may not struggle with Scripture anymore, but I do still struggle in one area. I struggle with the friendships I have with those who are still drunk from Babylonian wine. Those who are serving two gods, but labling them as one. A lot of people saved me from that struggle, and I am grateful to them for it. In three days, my “friends list” went from over 300 names to about 100. Of those 100, about 90 of them don’t really care whether I serve one god or 50. It’s the remaining ten that I wonder how to best handle. I want to be true to the friendship, but more so, I want to be true to God. More than anything, I believe that only He gives revelation. For whatever His reasons, He does this in His timing and for His purposes. I don’t want to “drop” these friends, because I know they may be moments away from having the truth revealed to them. When that happens, they will need supportive friends. Yet, the realist in me knows they may never get this revelation, or they may dismiss it in their own hardheartedness and need to be right. Today, I honestly don’t know if I should keep those frienship kindled, or peacefully walk away. I know that I don’t follow their daily postings anymore, watching them call Jesus God is just too much for me, especially around the Holy Days. But I do keep in touch via messaging and phone calls. Sometimes I’m just not sure what to say to them! If you have wisdom and experience in this area, I would greatly appreciate gleaning from it. How do you handle those who still idolize Jesus? I don’t have this issue with new friends or with strangers, just those with whom I’ve been walking for a considerable length of time.
For sure, week 11 has been an introspective one for me! I’m going to have to figure out where all of this new knowledge fits in my life, and where my “old friends” fit, as well. How do I walk out what I now know? With whom should I be walking, other than HaShem, of course! Am I mixing Holy with profane if I maintain the friendships I have with those who are Christian? What about with the atheists I know? How can I best share The Father’s light? How can I best please Him and represent Him? Questions, so many questions! That’s a good thing, though, I discern. Here on this side of the cross, I’m learning that the questions are as important as the answers! It’s not a sign of ignorance to ask questions, but a sign of wisdom. It’s okay to not know. It hasn’t weakened me at all, but strengthened me. This, friends, I can not explain!
I’ll “see” you next week! Until then, know you are in my prayers! God bless you and yours 🙂