Week 37 Past the Cross – What if I’m Wrong?
By Terri C
A good friend and I have an elephant in the room with us that neither mentions. She knows about me walking away from the cross, but she remains firmly rooted under it. We haven’t had a “religious” discussion since the one we had on the day I told her I no longer considered Yeshua my Lord or Savior.
~ I even I, am YHVH; And beside Me there is no saviour.~ (from Isaiah 43)
The one thing we want to say to each other but don’t, is, I’m sure:
WHAT IF YOU’RE WRONG???
Before I dive in, a little disclaimer, of sorts. Let the record show that I have been wrong before!
I was wrong when I was ten years old, and I prayed that a perfect, loving God might stop the things that made childhood a nightmare for me. That wrongness is not my fault, I won’t claim it. It was taught to me in church. I colored pictures of a man they said was God calming stormy seas. I could count on him to calm my stormy seas, too, they taught me. If the things that ruined my childhood weren’t stormy seas, then I didn’t know what was! And so I prayed for the calm, and still was nearly drowned everyday by waves. Because of that wrongness, I grew into an adult that thought IF God existed, He wasn’t concerned about a certain little girl, or the many others I knew who’d suffered even worse upbringings than my own. Wrong, wrong wrong!
I was wrong when in my twenties and thirties, when I openly denied God’s sovereignty. I take full responsibility for that wrongness, because plenty of people tried to explain the reasons they believed He was sovereign, and I didn’t pick up a Bible to find out for myself. As an adult, it was on me to relook at beliefs I had fostered as a child. At some point, we cannot blame our past for our present. That wrongness caused me to leave a trail of destruction in every life I touched. I’m still paying the price for it today, as are many other people on account of my actions. Wrong, wrong wrong!
I was wrong when I first began walking with God. I didn’t question anything I was hearing from the church, I just accepted it at face value. I even started reading the Bible in the place “they” suggested, in the chapters that have become known as the “new testament”. Reading like that, with Genesis following Revelation instead of preceding it, had me in a frame of mind to connect the “old” to the “new” instead of the other way around. It was easy to cram Jesus into every story, even though I had the niggling feeling he didn’t fit there. “Take him on faith” they told me. It doesn’t have to make sense! “Just believe!” Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Then I became a “Messianic Christian”. I was getting warmer, but still wrong, nonetheless. I know a lot of people in that religion who call themselves a “Messianic Jew”, but that isn’t accurate. If one believes Jesus is the messiah who will reign in the end of days, they are Christian, no matter what slant they add to that. A Jew, a truly Jewish Jew, believes the messiah has not yet come. But I digress. I learned that the instructions in Torah were still very much valid, as well as Sabbaths, Feasts and Holy Days. When I was “Messianic” I began calling Jesus “Yeshua” added tzitzit and a tallit to my mental picture of him, and still called him “Savior” all the while ignoring the Scriptures that said YHVH was not a man, had no image, and could not die. I was….Wrong, wrong wrong!
Not only have I been wrong in the past, so many times I refused to accept that I could be wrong! Perhaps that was my worst “wrong” of all. When I finally came to the end of myself, I came to The Father with this prayer:
~Father, I want to know the truth, even if (especially if), I am wrong. Show me in Your Torah who Yeshua is to me, and show me Your truth. Amein~
I prayed that prayer twice a day and examined Scripture with a new lens for a full year.
And that, my friends, is exactly when the “showing” began! I learned to compare the “new” to the “old” instead of the other way around, and everything changed! Have I got it all figured out? Why would I need YHVH at all if I did? His ways are above my ways, and His thinking is above my own. But I have figured out a few things. The first and main thing is that YHVH is ONE. Echad, in the Hebrew language. Indivisible by any whole number, and certainly not a “three in one” entity! I am grasping other concepts, too, regarding “original sin”, hell, and even Heaven. I am learning that my deeds are more important than my beliefs, and there are things that are “earned” and not given based on my “faith”. But I may yet have some wrong ideas that will be corrected through Scripture study, prayer, and the willingness to be wrong. After all, walking with my Creator is a lifetime journey, not a formula to an eternal reward.
And so, yes, I may be wrong. What then? What if I die tomorrow, with no more knowledge than I have today of what is truth? What if Christianity is right, and this omnipotent God really did go against His own Torah by fashioning only one “door” to Himself through a flesh and blood man, who is by definition, a demi-god? How might the conversation go when I am called before the Creator of all, if I am wrong? Believe me when I say I’ve wondered this very thing!
God: Terrie, you have said that you will call no one “God” but me, or attribute My glory to another.
Me: That’s true. I base this on what Your Torah says, what the prophets say and what the Psalms say.
God: Terrie, you have believed that the way to redemption and forgiveness is through repentance, walking in My Ways and atonement on Yom Kippur.
Me: Yes, My King! Again, I base this belief on Your Torah, Your prophets, and the Psalms and Proverbs.
God: You say there is no other Name by which your salvation comes.
Me: Yes, Master. Over and over again, that is what Your Tanakh says. You have no equal. No one is beside You. There is no other Name by which I am saved.
God: You refused a human sacrifice for your salvation.
Me: Yes, Creator of all! Your Torah calls that abomination.
God: You believe the New Covenant will be written on your heart, not penned in an addendum at the end of my Tanakh.
Me: So says Your prophet Jeremiah.
At this point, would it even fit with YHVH’s character to say this?
God: That’s it! You believed My words, you believed My Torah, you believed My prophets and the Writings, and you lived as though My Name was the only Name by which your salvation comes… Now you will burn in hell eternally for it!
Friends, that just doesn’t add up! Does it?
I know I’ve got some points I’m wrong in. Part of my daily prayer is to grow in understanding and wisdom. I’m not afraid to stand wrong in front my Creator one day. The day is coming when knowledge of our God will be universal. He doesn’t expect me to understand all there is to understand about Him until that day comes. What He DOES expect me to understand, in my humble opinion, is that there is One True God, and His Name is YHVH.
I’ll leave it to my friend to search out her own possible wrongness. After all, my own journey is the only one I’ll be held accountable for. I hope and pray that she’ll begin with the definition of idolatry. Saying Jesus is equal to YHVH, attributing salvation to him, calling him healer, or calling him King is idolatry. Giving satan any power, or even thinking he is a worthy opponent of YHVH, is idolatry. Thinking there is another plan for “salvation” other than what the Tanakh says is idolatry. Since the beginning, it is something our God hates and demolishes. If I do stand wrong before Him one day, it will NOT be because of idolatry! The “spark” that makes me “me” belongs to my Creator, YHWH. It is my soul, which came from Him and will return to Him. I trust Him completely with it, here in this world, and in the world to come! I will give glory to no other Name than the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, YHVH. If that makes me wrong, I am in good company. The very ones who have guarded His Torah since it was given from Mount Sinai, and the very ones to whom men of all nations will cling in the end of times to learn about God (Zechariah 8), also reject the demi-god named Jesus/Yeshua. I stand firmly with them!